I am sick of it

I'm sick of being the last resort.

I'm sick of being ignored.

I'm sick of being unnoticed.

But most of all:

I'm sick of being passed over without even a first glance.

Like did they even see my submissions?

Or did they just get so far down the pile and were just like ‘nope I’m done’ and tossed the rest so everyone with a surname starting T onwards isn’t even considered?

Or they just saw the name 'Waterfield’ and were like 'ew no not one of those’?

Because how can you not call back someone so physically perfect for the role?

Someone willing to do 'most anything to get it.

To pay out-of-pocket for a flight to Prague.

To literally leave everything behind for someplace she’s never even seen online.

Hell I’d even pay them so I could portray Min.

Acting is one of the very few things I can actually do.

Something that I have a natural talent for.

(Which is apparently quite rare for an aspie.)

I can’t get a 'real’ job either.

Do they decide I’m too much work?

Do they realise what an effort it is to even leave my room some days?

I put myself out there which is a huge thing for someone who used to be so shy the last time I saw my closest-in-age cousin I didn’t talk to her at all.

Why isn’t my best ever good enough?