A whole year past and I’m exactly where I was last year. Frustrated is one word to describe how I feel.
Mum dug out the folder with all my school reports since year 2 in the other day and reading through them got me feeling … something. A common theme throughout the years is ‘Sarah needs to ask for help when she needs it.’ But I think this past year helps to explain why I find it so difficult: I have been asking for help with my mental health and have instead been consistently cancelled on and ghosted. Why would I ask for help when my requests go ignored and/or forgotten?
We have been looking on various rescue sites for another dog to keep us and Nimue company and that has been a trial as well. Most times we don’t hear anything beyond the ‘thank you for your application’ - much like when job searching lol - and the two times we went to a meet and greet with another adorable scruffy -doodle they were too much to handle so we had to decline which I’m sure did wonders for our future apps. Both were poodle crosses with strong working dog types and both were unsocialised. One was so anxious around other dogs he was hyperventilating and over-focused on Nim to the point of ignoring treats; I think the only things that could help him would be anti-anxiety medication and professional training, neither of which we have the extra budget for. Yes, rescues can come with issues but this was too much.
I’ve given up the job search for good, which makes it frustrating when people continue to ask about it and talk about it like it’s something I should be wanting to do. I’m unemployable - if I can accept that everyone else can! And my non-diurnal sleep patterns too. If I’ve tried everything I can think of to ‘fix’ it what makes people think it’s something that can be fixed? I’m not going to continue doing something that doesn’t work. You don’t continue using a dead computer.
Singing classes have been going well though; that’s something. Getting ‘the plague’ just in time to miss the mid-year concert didn’t help much - illest I’ve felt in ever. I’ve finished several small knitting projects and am halfway through a larger one that’s going well. The dress is still unfinished despite a request for help with it, as are the fallout fan comic and the original fiction story I’m writing. I did start a new fan fiction though, set in the ‘Storm Hawks’ universe a couple years after the main story would have ended had it not been cancelled and I have a vague idea of what happens and the characters I’ve added - a couple of them I’ve successfully designed with the help of inspiration from a friend in the fandom who runs an OC design competition based on birds each month (her art is amazing; her fandom blog is here, also featuring art from others in the fandom.).
Goals for next year: start going to the gym twice a week and do more of my creative hobbies.
Here’s to a more successful 2024!
